Tushita Kapoor (1956-2008)
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Professor?
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Teaching in KGP?
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for oversized French teachers?
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for fucking bitch?
Quotes:-
“Umaga is very good in bed.”
-Tushita Kapoor on her younger brother.
“I am the queef queen.”
-Tushita Kapoor on herself
“Hail Hitler!”
-Tushita Kapoor on her other brother.
“Have you seen the bitch’s lips?! They look like like a baboon’s ass on a face!”
- Saddam Hussein on Tushita Kapoor
“It’s from hell, it’s from hell!!!”
-Saddam Hussein on Tushita Kapoor
“It’s from hell, it’s from hell!!!”
-Her coworkers in the Iraq war on Tushita Kapoor
“It’s from hell, it’s from hell!!!”
-Students of IIT Kharagpur on Tushita Kapoor
“You complete me.”
-Tushita Kapoor on KFC
“Oh jeez… she used to be horny all the time”
-Professor Chaos (Butters Stotch) on Tushita Kapoor (his estranged wife)
“That’s how I roll.. Beeaatch”
-Tushita Kapoor’s way to start a class
Symbols:-
[TIT]: This is true
[ToaT]: This one’s almost true
[TNT]: This is not true
Figure 1: Tushi's latest avatar
Tushita Bulldog KaPOOr (affectionately called Tushi ka pu, or gandu gaindi or Amma Raand) is a teacher, WWE champion, American armyman, ex-Fuhrer, breast flasher, supervillain, coke whore, pornstar, secret agent, alien ambassador, Sith lord and cyborg who has the honorable distinction of having the fattest ass of anyone dead or alive on earth. She also has the dubious distinction of being the person who, due to her horrendous appearance and nauseating personality, has been urged by each and everyone she knows to jump into a coffin and die.
She presently resides in the campus of IIT Kharagpur, leading a serene life throwing her (considerable) weight around to get unjustifiable favours. However, she spends most of her time away from humanity grazing in the green pastures of the RDC and engaging in delightful courtship rituals with other bulls and cows around her. Her raw animal magnetism earns her a lot of jealous looks from other fellow non-lesbian cows who spitefully call her ‘that tramp’.
Outline:-
A. Tushi Today
1. Interests
2. Teaching Career
2.1. Pedagogical Excellence
2.2. Pedagogical Techniques
3. Personality Traits
4. Anecdotes
B. The Story of Her Life
5. Childhood
6. Personal Life
7. Troubled Adolescence
8. SkankWank Redemption + Excerpts from the Bhainsi Chronicles (Return to India)
9. The Middle-East Conspiracy + Gaindi Ki Wapsi
C. Tushi Forever
10. Theatrical Talents – Filmography
11. Trivia
12. Interview with The Brawler’s Avenue
D. Disclaimer
A. Tushi Today
1. Interests [ToaT]
Her interests include reading (English, French and Bengali), eating, knitting, painting, rugby, eating, ballet, kitty huffing, eating, yelling at people, grazing, did I mention eating?, bitching, talking and finally eating.
2. Teaching Career - Time at IIT Kharagpur
Her charming personality and disarming smile, always won the hearts of everyone around her. Her delightful gait, especially the swagger and the strut with which she sauntered in for our first class as if she owned not only the room but also all its occupants really made her the people’s favourite. She occasionally threw a few glances at the students with that same winning smile and icy glowering eyes open as wide as her sockets would allow without having her eyeballs pop out. She carried a stick to point at the blackboard and although she never wrote anything on it, she freely brandished it all through the lecture, with the athleticism and control of a seasoned fencer.
2.1-2 Pedagogical Excellence + Pedagogical Techniques
She also employed a unique and interesting technique to counter the IITian propensity to sleep through classes by suddenly smacking the pointing stick on the table right in front of her while muttering a loud ‘ayaaa’ reminiscent of Jackie Chan movies. It was astonishing how many hibernating blokes jumped to attention as soon as they heard the deafening thud which was even louder than her booming Janice voice. However, they weren’t quite as unsettled, or as crippled as the people on the first benches on whose hands the stick ended up landing.
[TIT] She was also known for never forgetting to point out how IITians were all so linguistically challenged and made really creative jokes about them that she enjoyed cackling out loudly to.
[ToaT] Often she would bring a snack, like a few toffees, or a hot dog, or faeces hidden in her purse. These she would surreptitiously munch on whenever she gave the students some work to do. She would slyly turn around and pull out some food and quickly gobble it all up occasionally throwing a suspicious look around her shoulder to ensure that no one was watching. Then she would repeat it whenever desired, like after five minutes. However, at times when she ran out of food, she would eye the students in the front row with great ravenous desire and lick her lips and moustache. However, she rarely succeeded in actually eating any of her students. Towards the latter half of the semester, she had apparently learnt to curb her cravings a little better, but then she suddenly threw down anything in her hand, pulled in her elbows close to her body, bit her lips and ran out of the class only to come back looking very gleeful after about a quarter of an hour.
It is apposite to point out here, that she was cognizant of her addiction to food, and had once visited the “Food De-addiction Rehab”, but sadly it did not end up to be of much help to her, as she accidentally ate her dietician and followed on to eat five other doctors and their desks in the neighbouring cubicles.
3. Personality Traits
HUMILITY: Her larger than life personality…. and physique endowed her with a confidence that transformed her self-image to resembling that of Superman’s. Perhaps that is why she liked to stand with her knuckles resting on her sides and her shoulders stretched as far high and outwards as she could take them and scan the class in this pose, characteristic of the man of steel. Whenever asked a doubt, she would always address the question immediately looking down at the student from below her spectacles while answering and then proceeding to chuckle about the absurdity of the question.
ALTRUISM: She was also quite a sympathetic lady as she would pitifully look down at anyone trying to talk to her as if she were looking at a photograph of a naked famine hit African baby with all his ribs popping out. However, it was disconcerting to see her blow (air on) that person just to see if she could make him fly away. Although, it is said that she once broke wind on a particularly short (so much that he looked even shorter than her) student just to see if that worked.
CANDOUR: Tushi on IITians: “Just because you people can do 35 plus 8 without a calculator, you people think that you’re more intelligent than I am. Good for nothing.”
INTELLIGENCE: Tushi to IITians: “I think I taught you this yesterday only. (Expression a complex concoction of uber-amused and psychotically annoyed) You can’t even remember something that was taught just the previous day, then how will you do research. You know the kind of study research involves. Hmmph.”
PARTY CULTURE: Tushi to colleagues: “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to Jar’s birthday bash ‘cos I was in BC Roy, getting my testicles removed.”
APPEARANCE: She has always been so fat that she can keep something between two folds of her fat and it stays there until she removes it. On her last wrestling bout, she tipped the scales at 700 pounds
Figure 2: Just lost two hundred pounds
4. Anecdotes
[ToaT] At the end of the semester, as is common in IIT, she liked to have students fill out a feedback form (forms in which students evaluate the performance of the professor remaining completely anonymous, often collected by another teacher, or the HOD). She made students stand in a queue and submit them to her one by one, and stand right there till she went through the grading and remarks. She would glare at anyone who had given her a non-excellent rating, and often mark his name in the attendance sheet apart from demanding an explanation for the evaluation whilst chewing on a double-decker sandwich. Many believe that while doing so, she appeared to gesture to them that they would soon be IN her sandwich for such misbehavior.
[ToaT] She often called students to her room for some work, or to talk to them and would never be found in her office at that time. On persistent searching, she would only be found in another professor's room, delightfully chatting with her colleagues, who just kept on laughing at her jokes and looking uncomfortably at each other. On being told that some students were waiting, she would politely request them “Wait outside..you fags.” and continue blabbering until each one of her ravaged colleagues had reminded her atleast five times that people were waiting for her. Finally when she got up, ignoring how her colleagues’ faces had suddenly lit up to be insanely happy, she rolled a parantha in her hand to attend to business.
B. The Story of her Life [TNT]
5. Her childhood.
Details of Tushita’s childhood are sketchy at best. It was believed that on the night of the 31st of September 1965, when William Shatner was given the role of Captain James T. Kirk, beating his only competitor, a vastly more talented Satan, who had also auditioned for the role, but got psyched during the interview, the right-wing political alliance in hell lobbied to have her farted out on the earth as it’s revenge. She was poop(p)ed out of the bowels of the earth to land in a cave. She/he/it (the baby) craftily crawled into the house of an unsuspecting childless couple covered in goo, and contorted its face into an innocuous looking smile so that the loving couple adopted it, despite its severely bloated face and torso.
She was considered a prodigy in school, beating every child in her class in both academics as well as sports. However, many parents complained that in order to ‘beat’ their children, she’d beaten them black and blue, which was inappropriate and almost illegal. Her spunky nature was soon noticed by all, when she was expelled from pre-school, as a senior kindergartener, for trafficking pornographic magazines and cocaine among the nursery inmates, and went on a ‘Cholbe na’ hunger strike to have herself re-instated. She was also remarkably resourceful, as on seeing that no one cared that she was not letting orphaned puppies that were made to be on the hunger strike (by her) to eat anything, she persuaded the 70 year old Dean of the kindergarten to reinstate her by helping him lose his virginity to her.
6. Her Personal Life
Figure 3: Tushi bending over
While her claims of having had carnal relations with Mahatma Gandhi may be completely baseless, she asserts that she can have eyewitness voyeurs corroborate unbelievable stories of her wild orgies with great men like Ramu (a beloved professor in the mechanical department in some college), Shamu (a crippled geriatric sweeper in the main building suffering from a rare combination of syphilis and Down’s syndrome) and Damu (a certain Mr. Damodarr: a despicable hack who had himself shamelessly reinstated to his post only two months after his widely publicized and appreciated resignation). Damu, she states, was “quite an asstronaut.”
In her profane autobiography, The Bhainsi Chronicles, she says “I really enjoyed myself in Kharagpur on all occasions apart from that one time when S. Ohm, Triparty and I had planned this great threesome. I was so excited, I sprayed the room with lavender oil and incense but they appeared to take no interest in me and spent the whole night pounding each other. No one even looked at me, or even my chains, whip, cucumber or scissors. God, I was really pissed off after that. I smothered them with my queefs. If that’s why S Ohm kicked me out of the university. It’s not fair.”
Her best memory of intercourse is a fivesome with Professor Chaos, Darth Vader, Harman Baweja and her mom (who was reputed to be the coolest dude in his college). All four became ascetics avowing never to indulge in any sexual activity whatsoever immediately after the encounter. She also reportedly enjoyed her encounter with a Rottweiler when she was three.
She also reminisces of great memories in her time spent as a missionary specialist (pun intended) in Sonagachi where she illuminated lots of rayless rooms with her charming personality and her bright smile. She had to endure specieism when she was evicted out of her cosy cave in the plains of Sonagachi by hardworking residents who were purportedly heard screaming “Burn the midnight tramp” amid frenzied convulsive yammers which cumulatively ended up sounding like their typical vernacular conversations, which most non-specialist humans can only discern as “Hobba shobba hobba shobba”. The brave girl stood up all by herself against the injustices of the world as a feminist beacon. After a five hour long struggle very similar to the ‘Burly Brawl’ in the Matrix Reloaded, she deftly fought off all her assailants and with climactic intensity, the entire unsuspecting rally consisting of over five thousand rabid bongs vanished (was sucked into) into her vulva, and only one person was crapped out, who later came to be known by the name Mr. Jar a.k.a. Supercop. Tortured shrieks of Bengali slogans like ‘Cholbe na’, ‘hobba shobba’ can still be heard on quiet evenings when she publicly stimulates herself in her office in the HSS Department in IIT Kharagpur.
7. Troubled Adolescence
Hated by everyone around, at the age of 12 she was forced to flee from Sonagachi to England. After a year of wandering and cannibalism, she got refuge in Oxford, at the mansion of Master Steve Bating, an altruist who selflessly made her his bottom bitch. It was in this period that Master Bating rose to international acclaim for his groinbreaking study on hedonism. (this one’s not totally original… but is so freaking funny)
Figure 4: An Adolescent Tushi in her Cheerleader Costume
Rise to fame: Her fling at the OXford University, where she single handedly got them the ladies’ as well has men’s weightlifting trophies in addition to petrifying the rival wrestling team into surrendering was followed by a year of secret service for the American army, two months of prostitution and then, a much publicized two years of teaching French in IIT Kharagpur.
Her return to IIT is equally stupefying. She documented her travels in her never-read-before autobiography, the tastefully named “The Bhainsi Chronicles” which is finally going to be published this year. A note on that: all of the five publishers she forced to read the five thousand page book committed suicide by successfully eating themselves immediately after she left. Additionally, the autobiography has already been banned in every civilized country due to its extreme vulgarity and paedo-bestio-auto-homosexual content.
8. SkankWank Redemption + Excerpts from the Bhainsi Chronicles (Return to India)
The horrific 9/11 attacks, stirred even a monolith like her. This was at a time she was happy with Master Bating, but decided to leave her happy-at-home lifestyle for the call of duty. This is where she decided to dedicate her life to the welfare of mankind and immediately decided to enlist for the American army, which was, as she says ‘cakewalk’ for her. Her gorillaesque beard and the utter lack of personal hygiene obviously helped matters.
She was quite a terror among enemy ranks but the putrefying odour from her armpits and her “it’s from hell…it’s from hell” evoking farts were like a double edged sword, and even her own comrades had to bear its brunt. Sergeant L. Ron Hubbard, who later had to be revived from his petrified state by an alarmingly large dose of crocin (the steroid edition), acupuncture, a 50,000 volt jolt from a cattle prod followed by a very powerful placebo, was standing just three feet away from her when she lifted her arms. He was immediately asphyxiated, and his face began to turn purple with alarming celerity. As if this were not enough, as soon as the infants from the infantry came to his rescue, she exhaled onto their faces, which resulted in their instant molecularization. By then Sarge had turned a deep shade of a tasty black-currant. She was not aware of the severity of the situation, later found claiming “I thought Sarge was doing his naughty chameleon trick” and kept on valiantly shouting for instructions “Orders sir!!” until the enemy found her.
The enemy quickly gauged the situation and had their sarge order her to run as far away from the battlefield as she could without lifting her arms while breathing out only through her nose. Now, as her deployment in the troops didn’t work out, she had to be evicted from the army foxholes in Afghanistan. She was quickly spotted as perfect for a torturing machine in Guantanamo bay, it was said that she could be even better than the legendary Himank Shankar. She could be the one, that would end the war. However, her General who was of a relatively feeble disposition suffered a weak moment on picturing the horrors of what her Torture Chamber would look like and his heart bled for the poor little innocuous guilty terrorists. He was known to have quoted in a very quavering voice “it…..” when he inconsolably broke down into profuse tears and has since been in a coma.
9. The Middle-East Conspiracy and Gaindi Ki Wapsi
However, she still took off to Guantanamo Gay, but the TBI (Terrorist Bureau of Investigation) quickly colluded with some of the soldiers to give rise to the Middle-East Conspiracy where the pilot supposed to be deporting her to America purportedly suffered a similar fate as her General, being a patriot himself, and bailed her out in the oil wells of Iraq. The US government has always had most of its satellites oriented towards Iraq. So an artifact of her proportions was promptly spotted and identified as a potent biological weapon. Since Google Earth pictures substantiated claims that she was sleeping with Saddam Hussein, it didn’t take long for President George Bush, the brilliant strategist, in his infinite wisdom to send troops to that country as well.
As it later turned out, Saddam Hussein was indeed trying to crossbreed with her, ostensibly to create an even more mutated progeny that would have all her powers but without her famine causing humongous appetite. However, there were some technical difficulties in the consummation of this desire. Little did he know that it took his insatiable Tushi (as he affectionately called her) over 30 days of constant phallic probing to actually be inseminated. Immediately after one such excruciating session he went into hiding FROM HER and not from the US of A. Thanks to her, he was soon caught in the burrow looking disheveled and broken. However, America did not only want to capture Saddy (and insult and kill him while pretending to give him a fair trial). The crafty President Bush decided to continue to deploy troops in Iraq, in an attempt to find Tushi, Saddy’s secret weapon. However, determined not to be used by a country that was going to kill her heartthrob lover, she decided to abscond a-la-Matt Damon (Jason Bourne). Her skills as an escape artist despite her humongous size are commendable as she ingeniously disguised herself as a dinosaur (genus: Fellatiosaurus Gonorrhoealis) and fled right in front of the American army and swam all the way to her spawn sthaan - Kolkata.
 Figure 5: Tushi cleverly disguised as a dinosaur |
Figure 6 : Tushi when she actually WAS a dinosaur.
The Bay of Bengal is still reeling from that horrific experience and the pollution caused, which almost drove the Olive Ridley Turtles to extinction. Mysterious cases of really long and wiry, flea infested armpit hair were found very often on the Coromondel and Nicobar beaches of India following that incident. However it has still not been proved that she was the cause of the Tsunami. She has however been conclusively proven to be the cause of swine flu, after her bang-a-random-animal fetish backfired.
C. TUSHI FOREVER
10. Theatrical Talents
She was always drawn to the fame and the glamour of the silver screen, and has been involved in numerous productions, the more important of which have been cited below.
Filmography:-
1. Gunda (1969) … Lambu Aata
2. Love Story 2050 (2008) … Karan Malhotra
3. King Kong (1977) … The mighty King Kong (Oscar nomination)
a.k.a King Bong – Ek Danav Ki Katha
4. Porn In Sixty Seconds (344 BC) … Amma Raand
5. The Boner Collector (1999) .... Miss Boner (also a lights boy)
6. Tarzan Bhajan (1996) … Tarzan Kapoor (Nominated for Fuckademy Award)
7. South Park 109 – Starvin Marvin (2001) … Sally Struthers
8. Star Wars Episode I – The Phantom Penis (1999) … The fattest Wookie
9. Titanic (1999) … Titanic
10. BangGross (1997) … Sunny Leone (and the producer)
11. Austin Powers 2 : The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) … Fat Bastard *this one ain’t original
12. Austin Powers 3 : Goldmember (2002) … Fat Bastard *this one ain’t very original
13. WWE Raw (1999-2004) … Rikishi Fatu
14. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001-2003) … every fucking orc + Smeagol Kapoor (voiceover)
11. Trivia
± ± She has spent se7en years of her life as a male.
± ± IQ = -17. Seriously [TIT]
± ± Vital stats: 36-34-96 (all dimensions in nautical miles)
± ± Currently married to Professor Jar, commonly known as Supercop
± ± She has eight nipples.
± ± Bra size: 360D
± Contacting for Prostitution: Can be reached at 4am, on her five digit landline or on her suppository shaped mobile as she is horniest then. Creatures with a dominatrix fetish can call her at all other times.
± Her friends affectionately call her Tatti. Also Tatti Devi.
± She regularly licks herself to orgasm.
± Diet: Similar to reptiles of her genus, consisting primarily of grass, cute looking puppies, newborn babies and tree bark.
± Religion : Scientologist (has nothing to do with science, a subject she overtly despises)
± Language : English, Bengali, Hindi, French, Bitchanese
± She has a penis.
Figure 7: Conclusive proof
12. A Word with the Brawlers’ Avenue (imagine)
Repo: Good evening ma’am. I’m *** **** from the Brawler’s Avenue, the Goddamned worst paper in IIT. Thank you for agreeing to see me.
Tushi: Oh! Mon plaisir. Come come.. have a seat son. Voulez-vous du chocolat?
Repo: Oh sure, merci.
Tushi looks at the chocolate longingly, but decides to give the reporter a small chunk.
Repo: Yes, Miss. Tushita, how are you feeling to be back at kgp.
Tushi: Hate it. (followed by a blank distracted look)
Repo: uh…OW. ummm.. okay. I’d like to start by complimenting on how great you look after your month long diet. They say you lost like two hundred pounds. (she smiles smugly) How did you do it?
Tushi: Hehe. I’m very talented. See, I kept it simple. I stuck to a baby’s diet. I used to eat babies.
Repo: (horrified) You ate babies!
Tushi: But only the malnourished ones.. although I did give in to my cravings occasionally. When I went to someone’s places, looked at their overweight baby and felt like I had to have it. I had to eat it. I mean, you see those chubby cheeks, those tiny limbs.. (drools out a gallon but doesn’t appear to notice) It’s so hard not to just pour some ketchup on it, roast it and gulp it down. And as long as you manage to convince their parents that their baby’s just gone out for walk, no one will even notice.
Repo: Oh.. (shocked..mouth wide open.. thoroughly uncomfortable..awkward pause) That’s very insightful. Um… okay ma’am. Now, what changes do you think could be brought in the institute?
Tushi: Ah.. that’s a nice one. (beaming) See, first of all you know the Nescafe kiosk in front of the TOAT?
Repo: Of course, that place totally scams you. The size of the glasses….
Tushi: Correct. But you’re missing the point. For that, first of all, it faces the wrong side. I mean it is a Feng Shui disaster. Gimme a break.. everyone knows that it faces the TOAT.. Nobody wants to buy a croissant, turn around face the ass of a theatre.
Repo: It feels so good to know that you care. Okay moving on, what do you think of the system over here?
Tushi: Aw.. don’t even get me started on that. (through a mouthful of salami and bread) If you ask me, this whole system needs a revamp. The Director, who’s definitely gay, blatantly told me that I was not supposed to use corporal punishment. How are we supposed to drive anything into your brains without using orthodox techniques like stripping and crucifying children for smiling in class. Hmph.. Spare me the horror! I’m not even permitted to spank any cute guys, or pour boiling water on their genitals. I can’t make a guy stand on the dais and ask him questions that are clearly way out of his capability and humiliate him in front of everyone. Oh hang on.. wait.. I do that all the time. I’m sorry, that one’s still not out of bounds.
Repo: I’m sure you love doing that.(she nods earnestly) But why exactly do you like insulting IITians?
Tushi: See, first of all I hate it when I am trying to do a complex numerical calculation out loud and almost everyone in the class tries to prompt me the answer as if they solved it so fast, while I clearly know that they cheated. Bloody condescending phonies. 1975 plus 31 can’t practically take less than 5 minutes. End of story.
Repo: Okay then why did you have such a long article published in the campus newsletter? If you hate them so much, why don’t you stay away from them?
Tushi: (aghast) I’m sorry but that totally reeks of bigotry. Very bad. Just because I don’t like some people doesn’t mean I’m not gonna talk to them. I make no such distinction between people I hate and people I like. I insult them all anyway. That article, I just wrote that to improve my horrible reputation here.
Repo: Ah..that’s heartwarming. What about the things you like about this place.
Tushi: Of course. What makes IIT so special is that as long as you are a professor here, you can do whatever you want. I love to misuse the absolute power, lack of accountability and the fact that no one appears to care. The hospital here…I mean so many people have got sick and been almost killed by the doctors.
Repo: Do you also use the Pussy Roy hospital?
Tushi: Ow, no, I only go to the vet outside the campus. But coming back, two people recently died. But no one’s getting sick of the system. You know why, because there isn’t one martyr. All people are smart, ambitious and no one’s prepared to be an insurgent, and you know, that is the only way to rattle the cage over here. You have no individual desperadoes. That’s why I can totally rape a student’s future and the poor thing can do nothing about it. And his friends wouldn’t do anything about it. Student political power is an illusion. (Eyes light up)
Repo: So you enjoy that.
Tushi: Obviously!! I just love it. Oh.. and then the language. Speaking in Bengali, especially in presence of people who don’t understand a word of the language…(haha)..That’s when we get even louder and more excited. It’s fun. Talking of that, I also like the way shopkeepers are so courteous to requests made in Bengali, while they respond to repeated attempts at communication in any other language with a curt spit. (smiles beatifically)What? Why are you staring at me?
Repo: That’s not very nice mam.
Tushi: Not nice. What do you mean not nice. (volume and pitch rising pronto, much like a girlie fighter airplane with a really shrill voice taking off) Excuse me. I am an extremely nice person.
Repo: Oh I meant that it’s rude to behave with outsiders like that.
Tushi: Rude. What do you mean by.... Ye.. You faggot. (rises off her chair) I just gave you a bar of my favourite chocolate that you’ve already eaten half of and you call me rude. Now I’m pissed off. (Leaps up in fury and snatches the remaining part of the chocolate. Breathing very loudly, she quickly reaches for the reporter’s ear and starts twisting it almost causing permanent deformation) You disgusting swine.
Repo: Sorry mam. I didn’t mean that. (in a lot of pain as his ear looks like a mutated mushroom.)
Tushi: Ingrate. Puke it out. Vomit out the chocolate. (Repo trying his best…now she’s drooling, excited again and almost ecstatic, staring at his mouth) Yess.. yesssss that’s more like it. Puke more. Puke it all out. Oh…aah chicken biryani (J)!
-That’s all Folks-
D. DISCLAIMER: RATED R(etard).
Read this before you attempt to read the article. This article contains strong language and has been written by someone who has been declared to be pathologically insane, so normal people, dogs and douchebags may find the content disturbing. Reader excretion advised. The author is very a nice person and an eligible bachelor (still single, he wonders why) in real life, can crack sophisticated sweet jokes on demand and thinks very highly of the beautiful ladies residing in the SN-IG (etc) complex.
Tushita Rottweiler “Napunsak” Kapoor, Damu, Shamu, Ramu, Geroge W. Bush, and Mr. Jar (a.k.a. Jar Jar Binks a.k.a. Supercop) are a figment of imagination with no relation to reality. Any resemblance with anything real would be a fucking co-incidence. Saddam Hussein really does not exist (any more).
The opinions expressed in the blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author. Although, if there did exist someone as obnoxious as Tushi, everyone would obviously abominate the bitch. Parents should not read this except at their children's discretion.
Final words: the article took quite some time to write. Comments would be more than welcome. Kindly do not recommend the article to professors or staff from the Insti. Tushi may not appreciate the humour, in which case the author may get fucked.
Important: The author really respects his teachers and all elders. This is an exception to the rule. He may have got a little carried away to exaggerate stuff. Apologies to people who were offended. Have a nice day.
